Working on Breath

Saved Me Yesterday: No Blue November Day-3

Yesterday I was bursting into lots of negative thoughts in the Gym, at first I called few times my brothers care giver, he did not pick up. Later he did, he requested to help him put on belt and keep his prescriptions on his bag. Then my mind started to thinking obsessively. I recognised its the negative spiral of downward thinking.

A lot of thoughts was bursting into my weird mind, may be the caregiver will look into my Daily Routine, and find out I am not working, such as the other day when Police stopped me in the road, I could not share any identity of mine, may be he will not respect me anymore, I am going down…Also everyone else probably will not respect me anymore.

Then I started doing this breathing technique, elongating breath …all three kinds, In breath, Out Breath and the pause in between. I don’t know how many times I have thoughts about giving up and saying myself, I am done with this, this is your last and now you need to go home.

Also I forgot my towel, I don’t know for sure, but probably people started to complain about my smell issue, I saw the trainer using Air freshener couple times, also asking me when I will go. I could not do the workouts that required laying down because of the towel. Anyways I held up myself quite well with the breathing exercise.

Later I was thinking my brother as a burden to me etc etc. But he behaved nicely, somedays he has wild tantrums, shouting, crying etc., yesterday it was not the case, he was quite cool, and I calmed myself, had a good shower, although I did not pray. I was thinking like what is the meaning of saying something to God which I don’t really understand at all myself. In fact this is the thing I have been trying to work for a long amount of time, learning fully the things I say to God and immerse in it while doing the Prayer.

Anyways, later I was having quite a bit of problem to fall asleep, luckily I found out this quite boring yet good Podcast for felling asleep, and it helped me quit well.

I woke up this morning at 5, meditated as the first thing in the morning, and then prayed. One of my these months are priorities are bringing more quality and immersion into spirit in my practices, and I am working on this almost everyday, such as controlling my thoughts while doing those, try to understand and feel it … I need to do a lot of work on the Salat part though, but I will get better, as I have a deep faith about it.

With these, On another wonderful Day..

Shihab Uddin

4th November, 2019