What’s a way of being?

Letters to her -2

My Dear,

I have been trying to understand my body and mind. All the anxiety, panic and other roots. Is my mind conditioned to this? Can I ever change it?

What should I do to this?

All the obsessive thinking, eating, talking, worrying, not being able to relax and let it be. What should I do to change the habit pattern of my mind??

I am not looking for answers from you or anyone else. All I am looking inside. Searching within, reconnecting with my body, senses and inner mind, child or whatever it is.

I know for a long time I thought you have all the answers to my life. I ended up running tapes of what questions I am gonna ask next. Even I started typing in my notebook.

But I was wrong, no one has answers for someone else's journey. You are in your flow and I am mine, there is no right and wrong or fixed path. You are creating your journey, so am I.

By the way, I have been to a mall after a year, where I used to spend a lot of time at a young age. Then I asked myself oh my god, how could I be here, as part of this consumerist movement.

Even anti-consumerism is another ism. I know nothing or my current urge to stop myself to learn anything new. Or unlearn what I have learnt so far in my journey so far.

I hope everything going on great in your side. Your monstrous energy is being spent on something. Positive and constructive things, as well as for some destruction.

A funny thing, I recently learnt about a female superhero or deity in Hindu ancient text. She is being worshipped as a devil by some other sect of the very same religion.

Hell is within or heaven- nothing is outside, I guess, I don’t know, I am trying to understand or make sense of the reality.

Best

Shihab