Taking Actions Ferociously
And Finding out effectively what I do not have to do: No Blue November Day 17
I always remain worried about stress and anxiety, then I again become worried about worried. I guess I have acquired this genetically from my mom, although I do not want to blame her but a lot of time I have seen her sitting dull worrying about worrying, so I guess I have a reflection of that in my personality. I tend to being worried about an easy task or become overwhelmed very easily then, end up doing nothing, later feeling guilty I could have done that easily if I had kept an open mind.
Stress primarily comes from not taking action, being able to do things or not being able to take actions what I could have done during the given time frame. Also important is finding out what not to do, I think it is extremely important, not paying attention or giving my valuable time to people, things or tasks that are worthless and mundane.
As I am rebuilding my core, yesterday I received a phone call and elongated a conversation and called someone which was not needed at all. I need to be cautious about both — who I am communicating with — both the receiving and calling part and peacefully detach from everyone of my past and live fully in present.
I am trying to formulate a better strategy for dealing with overwhelm too, my primary activity now-a-days is taking care of my brother, studying for IELTS, reading books, writing, applying to Jobs, bidding Projects and making effective finance projections and ad-hoc- for this week only — filling taxes.
But I need to find out an effective way and always there are competing commitments( when too many things are asking for my attention, as it is called in management philosophy), such as right now I feel like to read a book for about an hour, I have to register for IELTS, do my finance projection up to June 2020, Learn and Understand tax filing and prepare tax documents, call my brothers day care center director and also reflect on what I learned yesterday, organise my notes, I have taken a lot of notes in last few months which is remaining scattered, I need to do something to manage those, make an effective plan to prepare for IELTS, write from the rest of the notes from the psychology of feeling good in art papers, and write notes from sticky notes to wall stickers, make daily budgets to make my finances sustainable and I will remain self-reliant — — as you see too many things going on my mind.
I need to find a better way to weight those and taking actions — as one step at a time. Probably I will accomplish all of those, but I have to forget right now that I have to do all of them, and start with only thing considering this is the only thing I have to do, and this is it.
I don’t know yet how to condition my mind that way, but I am trying that’s what matters for now.
With this on a wonderful cold morning, before concluding this morning I have noticed in my brother that sometimes he forgets how to eat, such as it happens to me many times sometimes I forget very details of everything, then I later find out I knew all of those and in that particular moment my memory was drawing blank, I controlled my anger and helped him to eat. And handled it properly. I am really happy for it.
Oh, Another thing, I guess I have fallen in love again, I don’t know may be mother nature have designed me such way, with a polyamorous mind, I fall in and out of love every single day, She has a beautiful face, I look at her face in the middle of the day in library and discover enormous amount of joy, although I haven’t talked with her yet, probably I will never.
Cause it remains fun up to I Talk with somebody, after talking it becomes nasty and creates enormous amount of havoc, such as I do not want to know what are the drama’s going on inside her personal life, I just want to look at her face and experience joy, for now that is enough for me.
Shihab Uddin
November 18,2019
