Living With Zero Expectations

Benefits of Observer Mode

Currently I am doing following practices to keep myself sane and stay away from the toxicities in the modern world..

• Meditating one-two hours everyday and weekly 12 hours a single day, I am trying to make it on the fixed time everyday and weekly once also keeping it on strict timeframe. It’s helping me to take control of my deluded mind and help it to come back to here and now.
• Vlogging about 10 minutes everyday about my life experience, processing my emotions and inner monologues at day end. I don’t share it with anybody because it helps me to stay away from the feedback loop.
• I write an offline diary, one sentence a day, It has a prompt of 3 years, it’s kind of an interesting personal project.
• I have tucked in a lot of poetry and the chapter of psychology of feeling good from the book Beating the blues, I read them at least once a day with my brother, either at morning or while going back to bed. Also I have tucked in a lot of things I have read recently and I believe that I need to remind myself those again and again.
• I have been working out 5 days in a week in Gym and pushing myself to limits physically, in fact my workouts, mental workouts aka study times and meditation times are the best parts of my day.
• And staying away from all kind of social media, calling people for help showing helplessness, texting or anything. If I need to talk I talk with someone randomly in the library, although a lot of people come to talk with me, I only talk with selected few number of people. I do recall rejecting quite a few recently politely that I am not interested to talk with you.

Besides I have been trying to improve the quality of my time with my brother, understand his psychology more deeply and help him to reclaim sanity. Although he is clinically mad and doctors never have given me any hope except bad news in last one decade or so , but I will keep trying. In fact he is my one of the biggest lifelong projects.

I am trying every single day to ground him, to come back to present and reprogram his sub-conscious through the healing practices I have adopted. And give him a better life experience, after all he is the only thing I have right now to hold on to. And gives me the reason to remain alive.