I love myself that’s why I let you Go

chASE for the illusion ended when there was nothing real

I struggle with many things now, some very basic ones, such as what is love? Is it a feeling? If it is a feeling who creates it?

Probably all comes towards me, I catch emotions very quickly and hurt myself badly. Being an empathic and hyper-sensitive person, I catch other peoples emotions or my sensitivity triggers very quickly.

But the real is not like that, people do not grow emotions after years of interaction or people are good at letting go. I am not good at letting go. I admit that.

I saw a stupid movie yesterday, some romantic hero in the movie fall for a western girl after a brief interaction. But the girl moved back, he asked the girl what would happen to them? She told if you come, I will consider you or us. But that was a joke or something to get rid of him.

The guy took it seriously, he tried everything to meet the girl. All of his attempts were going in vain, from losing tickets to an attempt to swim English channel. At last he was being helped by some guardian angel. But he could not make it, he tried to reach by hanging on a Airlines wheel, accidentally he fell off while the plane was on air. He died.

Funny part is that, after that the girl fell for him. Which was stupendous. After all it was a romantic movie, the thing Heroine named something else became love, at least that’s what I found at the last scene of the movie.

Anyways it reminded me of my Q, I have been trying to let her go from last two years. I love her, that’s why I want to. I haven’t tried to fly to her city or do anything stupid. I want her to find her best partner, who has a chance with her.

But the truth is I am feeling a strong urge to look up her online, reach out or fly to her city, I won’t do that. Because I live in reality.

Its been two weeks of excruciating physical pain, I am having a lot trouble to walk or sometimes even just lying down. But I am experiencing the pain fully. My heart is like, lets feel the pain, feel it fully until I become whole.

Life is an amazing experience, I try to be as receptive as possible. Open for everything what life brings to me.

Best

Shihab