I am here for Myself

And that is enough for now: My Writing Therapy Day 18

I have been observing myself lately very closely, who is this human being I have been carrying inside myself, what he wants, what goes on inside his mind, what are his imperfections, what he craves for and why.

Anyways my struggle with the mental illness or the monster within me is working quite well I assume — I am trying to find myself through lots of experimentation, where I belong, where is my place in the universe.

I masturbated twice yesterday, once after a stimulating or I would say sexual conversation with a women I met through Internet recently. But that’s not the point, we mostly talked about our sexual fantasies but what made me feel a little bad later that I could not control my urges.

Yesterday I had a pretty good day, I went to movie with some friends and brother. Then we had a dinner, but I think in the dinner I went to past again, my practice of presence kind of got away then. And skipped gym.

But its okay — I have forgiven myself for all that happened yesterday, today it is a brand new day, I am here to create, do something interesting, I meditated on a wonderful practice of Body scan…

and I have a Good Mood…

I love you world …I love you universe …and I love everybody…

Shihab Uddin

October 11, 2019