I am Capable

And I take ownership of my life, emotions and my being : My writing Therapy Day 37

While I was growing up I wanted to be following things…

a- A Modern Saint… My family have a long history sufism, in fact before my grandfather all of my family members were sufis and travelled around the world for spreading Islam. Although I don’t feel that way connected to organised religion these days, But I do want to keep learning a lot of things from it. And I love the spirituality in it. I have read quite a few books on Islamic Sufism and New Age Spirituality … I am still on the way to find my way towards in it.

b. A writer .. Writing has always given me joy and inner power to dwell through life’s vicissitudes, in fact it is the most important thing that makes me on a daily basis, In fact for my father too. I read his diaries of young age, when he was having tremendous troubles everywhere, he used to process his thoughts and emotions through it.

Anyways I don’t aspire to be some big-shot public writer, writing is the craft that gives me jolt and keeps me alive for day-to-day basis. Hopefully it will do so as long as I am alive.

c. A Computer Engineer or A Genetic Engineer .. I had a habit of reading career magazines, from there I had reached toward to the conclusion from my sub-conscious that I would be studying either one of these. And luckily by intuition I got opportunity to study both of these. I preferred to study Computer Science, although I am not proud as an Engineer, I just proclaim I have a piece of paper that says I am an Engineer…

The reason I have wrote all above, is that I believe by intuition I am reaching towards to my goals, and I don’t know where I am going, but I am going somewhere that will give me true sense of purpose and fulfilment and it feels right, and I am happy with it.

I have written about dilemma of aim of life prior, I think right now having no goals or driven by intuition works for me most. I am here for myself and that is enough for the time-being.

Yesterday was a quit okay day, I received a call from the Day Care center, with the same old Drama, about my brother’s condition, I felt a little bit overwhelmed but I had overcome it with small amount of food and I felt the emotion, and let it pass.

Then I controlled my anger or feeling of being stuck, after arriving home I had a wonderful conversion with someone I met through internet lately. I don’t know why interaction with other gender makes me feel horny, probably it’s the biology, then I masturbated and slept.

I had a good nights sleep, and I need to control my mind for projecting in forward or feeling bad emotions for other people. I hope I will be able to do it very well.

With That …On the Closing of a Wonderful Month..

Shihab Uddin

31st October, 2019