Ground Rules for Detox
Starting of Detoxing : 1 Detox December
I went to home for two days, to visit my mom and our disorganised yet most loved family. I love my mom, in fact almost everyone does. But I do care for her a lot when she becomes a small child for this stupid disease called Schizophrenia.
She is going through a tough stage or in term of medical science “a Relapse” period. And in this stage she is non compliant i.e she considers whole world is against her, whoever is asking to take her medicine, or trying to make her feel better is trying to do harm for her. I am trying to make sense of this events for quite a lot time, but every time she goes through this I acquire more and more self knowledge and knowledge about this condition.
Anyways at first I became angry a little bit and shouted at her saying … You a whore etc. then I calmed down myself and gave her opportunity to be herself. One thing I have learnt from years that she wants independence and ability to be on herself. Although I took her to doctor and injected against her will, as I am concerned about her further wellbeing but I did not make much fuss about the dirty home or not being able to manage finances or buying things excessively rather checking in home she already have a pile of stocks of that thing — whatever it is grocery or household items. Probably she is trying to meet her stimulus hunger for losing two sons, husband, parents, potential of having a career and everything else.
I love when she comes to me and kind of gives touches of tender love in my head and tries to feed me like a small child. God, I love her so much and she is becoming more anxious about my and my brother’s well-being these days. Even this morning she called around 6, probably first thing after walking up.
By the way I am trying to find a better way to cultivate a focused life and create a balance everywhere. And this is the month for creating Ground rules such as what to focus on — relationships, work, activity as such.
I have recently identified my values for life for time-being and wrote what it means to me.
Also I have written some affirmations for how I am achieving those in my day to day lives. I will not write in detailed about those, just share a mind map. You are free to infer anything from there.
With these ..
On a wonderful Cold winter morning… although I slept very little yesterday, probably 3–4 hours, I need to cover the sleep debt today after doing a nice workout.
Shihab Uddin
4th December, 2019
