Forgive and Forget, More Body, Lest Mind
Accessing Inner Heart: My Writing Therapy Day 12
I have been struggling with ruminating thoughts : mostly imaginary revenge conversations with people who mistreated me earlier or hurt me through shaming and blaming, forward projections of future conversations which most of the cases does not happen and I am trying to control how my body reacts on them.
One thing I decided yesterday, Top projects log and Habit building and breaking log — keeping online would be clumsy and hard to manage, so I decided to keep doing that offline.
When I was doing regular repetitive works in my work at IMS my boss invented an amazing idea, where he gave me a list of 10–15 items each day morning to accomplish and at the end of the day I would take signature from him accomplishing that. In that way I became better, in fact created a habit of achieving things everyday with no fuss and he grew quality of the team. It was really an amazing idea. I am really grateful to him for doing that.
I will apply to that idea on my projects and habit list rather doing online. And about dealing with other people, so far now the best thing I can do is to Forgive and Forget, rather than passing blame or wounds.
I am trying to access my inner heart, subconscious and put things there which I want. It’s a gradual process, slow but I hope I will be able to do that successfully.
I slept less yesterday, and it’s making me feel crying, in fact I cried a little bit this morning. But it’s okay, it is just a bad night but I won’t let it make a bad day or subsequent.
While imagining cuddling with her lets me sleep well, I can recall I used to sleep well in childhood holding my grandma quite tightly. I feel the very same for her.
I don’t know, let the imagination roll in and benefit me — the way it could be.
On the Starting of a wonderful day and week at the library…Oh, I stopped medicating myself from last few days although I had some blue time after that and did the regular things I do at the blue time but I am confident I will get better at taking care of myself.
Shihab Uddin
5 October, 2019
