Jun 23, 2021

2 min read

Catastrophizing in my mind

And being still inside: An Ordinary human beings journal

I had a good enough day. I was going through some tough mental events lately. It seems my tolerance for negativity is not that high.

I need to escape from big things of life into smaller things, this moment, this day or finally this hour, where I am now.

The present moment is the best moment, at this moment I do not have any issue with my life, I have everything that I need. I feel fulfilled with what I have right now within me.

But I am going to that negative coping mechanism from last few days,

1- Coping with food and feeling anxious and restless always

2- Compulsive masturbation and fantasy thinking to escape reality

3- Forward projection into some future catastrophic event that might never happen or have very nominal changes to occur

4- A bloated stomach and sleepless nights

I took a break today from all my anxiety and worries. Went for a long walk in the countryside, had some wonderful conversation with rural people there.

Later ended up questioning why I cannot think simply? Or make my life simpler?

One of my relatives recently told me, having high ambition ruins life, I guess I have done that in my entire journey here on this planet.

I want to be small now, very small in my thoughts and action. And for the time being, I do not know how.

But I am trying one day at a time, one hour at a time, one second at a time and sometimes one breath at a time.