All the dirt cooked up inside my mind

I wish they were ever true | An Ordinary Human Beings Journal

I have been observing my dirty mind and all its tips and tricks for some time. How it catastrophizes, makes a molehill into a mountain and self-indulges in dirty pursuit in his mind.

I love myself but I do not love that dirty part of my mind. I wish they were ever true.

I am really happy they are not, they have remained in my fantasy world. And I have kept them there.

I feel loved today and whole by myself, not needing anything from the external world.

My life and everything that I was trying to accomplish has been going on quite well. But I am worried about two things mostly, 1- my physical health- gaining weight again and fatigue 2- my mental health is deteriorating and continuous anxiety.

So far, the remedy is for physical health by going to an anti-bloating diet, i.e doing something extreme. I want to feel that pain again of starving myself and draining my all physical energy of burning fat.

2- For mental health — going to a hard meditation and processing myself using vlog, support group and journaling. My needy inner child is getting activated again and again.

I want to take control of it and stop it right there.

I want to feel whole by myself again, which I did for some time. I also want to feel complete by myself. I am here for myself and I will be here standing tall for myself.

Best

Shihab