A minor hand-cut And a Stupid Boss

And Some Wonderful People

I went to our village home the day before, earlier I used to spend very less time there. But recently I realised I should spend more time there. Although we have a home there and it’s quite big, but no furniture’s as of now. I stayed with my younger uncle.

It feels really great, when I visit there as all the villagers are my relatives, my grandfather had seven brothers- the village is actually their homes and their children, grand-children’s. So, its kind of everyone from the village is my relative and connected through blood.

Also another point is I am the eldest one from third generation, I am kind of in similar age to a lot of my uncle’s. And my cousins are very young, all of them. So, it’s like I get to deal with people who are kind of double of my age, mostly property related negotiations, kind of fake conversations, where I pretend to care for all of them, while may be I don’t or may be I do, I don’t know.

Primarily my motive was to secure a better deal for a two years long term lease of cultivable lands and do accounting of recent paddy season. But also do not let them understand that I am there for that reason, I am there to care for them, which may be I do.

So, I bought some gifts, sweets and new year’s calendar for them. And it was very late earlier day when I reached there. And my point was not to be strict or feel so money hungry.

It went quite well, both of my uncles seems cares a lot for us, I also gave the uncle who is not doing financially well some money, promised about help in case of need, in fact while coming back I decided to give him some money each month to raise better his kids, while I used to give it directly to cousin’s earlier, but will give him directly now as they are not old enough to handle money carefully. And my point of dealing with money now is to Count the Dollars instead of penny.

And both of my uncles are very key to these plan, I help them with pennies and get dollars in return, such as I planned for creating around $10K return from assets for 2 years, but it seems I will be able to reach around $5K and which is much better. Cause in earlier years It was not even a $500.

Besides for keeping control of assets its important to have kith and kin present whom I can rely on.

Anyways back at home, I was trying to get ready my brother for coming back to the city, and he was not doing well psychologically. And I got him ready and took to the bus, but he was trying to run away, I with my full force was trying to hold him in the bus, and there he was crying and shouting. I requested some other passengers to help too and few helped. And I was able to hold him though, but I had a minor hand cut, not by him, it was may be I touched something sharp while trying to hold him.

I knew If I can shut him down, he will forget within an hour or so and it happened, a young girl from the same neighbourhood who sat beside me helped a lot. And I got to know her, in fact treated her during the lunch break( food trick always works), exchanged phone numbers, got to know about her divorce history, what she wants to do with her life etc. And found she was overly friendly saying she knew me from before, while I did not.

Anyways back in City — although I had few plans but I and my brother had a decent Thai meal, then spent the night mostly resting, while in my naughty mind kind of that girl was popping up, in fact kind of I masturbated few times thinking about her — then I started blaming myself, why I am that bad? or why my thoughts are that twisted?

Despite In my mind there was always worries about the review meeting we had day before with my boss, where he wanted 200–300% output from me and we had huge debates there. And his reasoning for that was — I am single, I have nothing to do with my time and that’s why I need to put more. And my cousin, who kind of really handy, he helped me to go to village in night through his bike — I was thinking to give him some money, asked but he refused. And in the morning I met him on road but later I called he did not pick up — while my brothers medicine was with him and he forgot the morning dose.

May be it was the morning dose, he was acting weird, It couldn’t be too as modern psychologists say medicine and relapse moments are not correlated- although I bought new medicines and fed him. But I was all the way thinking whole day why he did not pick up, may be it was for the money, may be he refused to take but I needed to force him to take.

Anyways late at night he called back and said He was in the pond fishing and could not pick up — and all those worries were worthless, during the whole day.

So, in summary whole day I worried a lot despite it was worthless.

Journal on 28th December, 2018